Variety Announces Lineup For Inaugural Porn-Centric Series 'Actors In Actors'
Cumming Soon!
By Bush Bill
From the bushes outside of the Variety office building in Westwood, I can now confirm that Variety is launching a porn spinoff of its popular Actors on Actors series. Dubbed Actors in Actors, the new show will feature conversations with some of the biggest pornstars about the industry, their craft, and everything it takes to make it in the business. The new show was confirmed earlier today by Variety Chief Awards Editor and Actors on Actors host, Clayton Davis, during a press conference.
“Porn is currently flooded with OnlyFans’ normies,” said Davis, as he clicked through a PowerPoint presentation of amateur porn videos, while gagging. “At Variety, we like to celebrate the stars. That is why I am happy to announce that we have partnered with Pornhub to shine a light on some of the biggest stars in the porn industry. No matter how much OnlyFans garbage there is out there, nothing beats a good old fashion star who rose up through the tried and true, and sometimes questionable, industry of old.”
Davis then gave the audience a behind the scenes look with a teaser trailer. Some familiar faces seen during the trailer included Johnny Sins, Lisa Ann, Alexis Texas, Cherokee d’Ass, Luke Truong, Dean Young, Lukas Ridgestone, and Nina Hartley.
“Along with the knuckleheads at Pornhub, we have created a roster of episodes that will elevate the art of porn to the next level,” Davis said, following an awkward pause of silence from the young audience of Gen Z journalists. “It’s a series that will see Nina Hartley discuss her career that spans decades and how she kept up with gooners across multiple generations. Lisa Ann shares life after Who’s Nalin Palin and what she would do differently in the role if she were to do it again today. And Johnny Sins chats us up about going method and what it takes to really sell a role.”
On cue, Johnny Sins entered the stage, to the uproarious applause of a single pervert in the crowd. Sins joined Davis at the podium, dressed as Crocodile Dundee.
“I’m sorry, Clayton, I had to rush right over from the set of Crocodile BigDee,” Sins said, with an accent, before apologizing for still being in character. “I just wanted everyone to know that while I may not be a real movie star to some of you, I still work my ass off for my art. It is just nice that Variety and Pornhub are taking the time to celebrate the real talent in the industry.”
At press time Sins could be seen exiting the building dressed as Steve from Minecraft. He was reportedly late for his scene in Minecum.
The bush I hid in for this story was a Wintergreen Boxwood Shrub, which was freshly trimmed.
