Ryan Coogler Arrested for Not Giving Exec Entire Kit Kat Bar
Writer-Director’s decision could mean the end for lunch meetings.
By Bush Bill
From the bushes outside of the Warner Brothers’ lot, I can now confirm that earlier this week, Ryan Coogler was taken into custody after only sharing a portion of his Kit Kat Bar with a studio executive.
Sources close to Coogler state he took the lunch meeting at WB to discuss the terms for a sequel to Sinners. Coogler is hot off the success of his vampiric hit and if the box office numbers are any indication, the writer-director could afford to part ways with more than a single finger of a Kit Kat Bar.
The WB executive who chose to remain anonymous for this story had this to say about Coogler’s lunch gluttony.
“I invite him to the lot, push the rest of my meetings back to focus on him, and he pays me back by only breaking me off a piece of his Kit Kat Bar,” the executive said, as he wiped tears away with a Gucci kerchief. “This could be the end of lunch meetings as we know them. When someone like me moves mountains for you, you’re obligated to give up your whole Kit Kat. I mean sure, I had a whole lobster in front of me, but I really wanted Ryan’s entire King-Sized Kit Kat Bar.”
Following his lunch faux pas, Coogler was guided by WB security off the WB lot, straight into the backseat of an LAPD squad car. He is currently out on bond and just wants to focus on making movies.
“Ryan understands the charges being brought against him,” said Coogler’s lawyer in a press conference earlier this afternoon. “He doesn’t plan to keep any more Kit Kats for himself. This one had sentimental value, it was important to him, but moving forward all his Kit Kats will go to whichever executive requests them.”
Coogler is repped by way too many companies to list here. The bush I hid in for this story was a lush bougainvillea that could use a trim.
