Paul Dano Joins Cast of Rock‘em Sock‘em Robots Film Adaptation
Tapped to play the Red Rocker and the Blue Bomber.
By Bush Bill
From the bushes outside of WME, I can now confirm that Paul Dano has signed onto Rock’em Sock’em Robots, the adaptation of the popular children's toy, in development at Universal Pictures. Dano is tapped to play both titular characters, Red Rocker and Blue Bomber, who find themselves in an endless cycle of robotic violence, incited by their human overlords.
Dano is no stranger to playing multiple roles simultaneously. He played twin brothers Eli and Paul Sunday in 2007’s There Will Be Blood. Dano was famously cast in the two roles after the film’s director, Paul Thomas Anderson, hit the actor with his Hyundai Sonata. Impressed with Dano’s ability to keep the incident secret, Anderson knew he had to collaborate with the young actor.
Dano will star alongside lead man and mumble actor, Vin Diesel, who is also producing the movie because he is bored and wants to play with toys that do not have wheels. Diesel, who will play an unnamed tough guy who crosses his arms, is excited to share the screen with Dano.
“I look forward to working with Paul, up until his star outshines mine, then after that I’ll alienate him until he has no choice but to step away from the fifth sequel,” Diesel said before crossing his arms and leaning against a wall.
Some writer who likes robots and who is desperate for work has signed on to clean up the screenplay originally written by OpenAI.
No word on a director yet, but my sources point to Michael Bay or some executive's untested nephew.
Dano is repped by WME, Anonymous Content and Goodman, Genow, Schenkman, Smelkinson & Christopher (Jesus Christ is that everybody?) Diesel is repped by CAA and Linden Entertainment. The bush I hid in for this story was a beautiful salix laevigata.
