Depend Announces New Extra Strength Diaper for the Ruling Class
Disney CEO, Bob Iger inks spokesman deal.
By Bush Bill
From the bushes outside of Walt Disney Studios in Burbank, I can now confirm that Depend has announced a new extra strength diaper for individuals in the ruling class. During a joint press conference yesterday, a spokesperson with Depend’s parent company, Kimberly-Clark Corporation, also announced a two-year partnership with Disney that would make two-time Disney CEO, Bob Iger, the face of Depend Oligarch Strength Diapers™.
“Look, even the people at the top make boom-boom in their pants sometimes,” Iger said as he strolled onto stage in nothing but an extra strength diaper. “When it comes to the decision of going pee-pee or closing that acquisition you’ve been working on for years, you no longer have to choose between the two. You can now do both from the comfort of your sky yacht, thanks to Depend’s Oligarch Strength Diapers.”
Iger ended the press conference by grunting his way through a bowel movement, demonstrating the capabilities of the Depend Oligarch Strength Diapers™. Once the color returned to his face, he introduced a handful of junior Disney executives who then proceeded to demonstrate the competitors’ diapers. My sources tell me the demonstration was not a pretty sight, but was still more enjoyable than sitting through screenings of Snow White and Moana 2.
Disney’s move into ruling class diapers has already drawn on some competition from other studios. I’m told Netflix has already overpaid Assurance to shore up their move into ruling class diapers. Other sources say Warner Bros. Discovery CEO, David Zaslav, is working on a deal with NorthShore Megamax Briefs, but they’ve hit a snag in negotiations. Apparently Zaslav is not crazy about the name and would simply like his ruling class diapers to be called “Max”.
The bush I hid in for today's story was a sphaeralcea ambigua, also known as an apricot mallow.
